Raising Hope

MON 8/7c MAY 27

Raising Hope

My Family is Crazy

Everyone has a little crazy in their family.
Share a quick and funny story from your
childhood (or parenthood) that makes
you wonder just how you all survived.

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Crazy Stories:

Pets

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Last Christmas, my uncle from Virginia, who is a chef, brought a smoked turkey. My dad left the frozen turkey on a table outside to thaw. Then my brother let his dog Walter out. Walter is a puggle (pug/beagle) so he is kind of short. About 10 minutes later, my brother said, "Walter's eating the turkey!" He ate half the turkey! My dad was really mad.

Friends

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When I was 9 years old, I jumped off of a roof into a 5 foot snow bank.

Pets

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My dad's family is flipping bananas. One year, I got a dead rat for Christmas as a "joke." We had to start a No Dead Crap rule for gift giving. An aunt taped her dog's ear with duct tape instead of taking him to the vet after he ripped it. She also has old garage doors around her above ground pool for a privacy fence. The city fined her for all the crap in her yard.

Relatives

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We were so poor that, one Thanksgiving, we could not afford a turkey or any kind of meat except for bologna. So, we took a head of lettuce and attached bologna to the sides for wings, and that was our Thanksgiving turkey. We thanked the Lord for family and each other and happily ate the whole thing!

Holiday Horror

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I had a crazy aunt (Margaret) who reminds me of Maw Maw. We went to pick her up to bring her home for Christmas and she had her poodles in diapers, was shooting mice in the house with a toy dart gun, and had spent so much time sitting in one place that a spider actually built a web in her hair! I'M NOT KIDDING! Love your show. It makes me feel guilty laughing at it!

Real Dumb

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It was my birthday and my mom drove me to school. On the way, she asked what I wanted for my birthday. I said I didn't know and she got angry at me for not knowing. When we pulled into the parking lot, she said I was not allowed to go to school until I told her. Well, I never went to school that day. Real shame.

Sufferin’ Siblings

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On New Year's Eve, my parents were attending a party at one of their friends houses, leaving my big brother, 6 years my elder, to have his own party at our house. I was hiding from one of his friends in my very deep closet, when my sister came and asked, "Are you in here?" I said, "Yes, can I come out now?" She answered, "No! I'm getting in there with you!"

Scarred For Life

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One night we were cruising up and down Lake Avenue in our small town. We lived right on Main Street. My mom was getting ready for a New Year's Eve party. I saw her dancing in the front room with the curtains wide open. The only problem was, she was dancing with a TV tray! Do you think I was the only one that saw this? OMG! How embarrassing!

Holiday Horror

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We were on our way to Grandma's farm one Sunday in 1961. Nothing was open, and I had to go to the bathroom. Dad pulled off the highway onto a lane between a cemetery and a church. I couldn't go because the grass was tickling my butt. The Church let out, and the entire congregation saw me squatting in the cemetery. We called it "Potty Lane" thereafter.

Scarred For Life

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Our entire Irish Catholic family came over for every holiday, so the house was packed. My birthday is very close to Thanksgiving so, we usually celebrate both. When I turned 18, my 16-year-old brother decided to knock me down and tickle me on our way to dinner. I wet my pants in front of everyone and cried like a baby. The next year I got diapers as a joke gift. :-(

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