"Malcolm Visits College" Original Air Date 3/28/04
Chapter 517

It’s finally time. I’m almost out. This week I start visiting schools and I can’t wait. I get to stay in a dorm and can start to imagine a life without parents.

Oh wait, that would be the perfect thing so obviously that wasn’t going to happen. No, instead Mom decided it was too important and that without her I could screw it up. So she’s chaperoning the trip. ARGH!

We got to the school and Mom treated me like I was a baby. Tucking in my shirt, blowing my nose, shadowing me everywhere! Can’t I just have a normal life for once? We get to my dorm room and we found out that the room was co-ed. It was great until Mom decided to stay there too. I guess I can be popular after college then?

To take things up a notch, the R.A. on the floor started in with me too. He bitched about our radio being too loud and then Mom decided to start her own personal war with the guy. Of course this won favor with my roommates who now think she’s “the coolest.” So lame.

Mom staged a revolt when the R.A. wouldn’t give us access to the vending machines. But when she confronted him he came right back and told her that she’s too afraid to let go of me because I might be a success. Mom kind of broke down and said that it’s time for her to step aside and handle things on my own.

And you know what, I wanted a candy bar, so I tried kicking open the R.A.’s door but got my foot stuck instead. The only thing that made it worthwhile was when they unhinged the door, they found a hot plate in the R.A.’s room getting him in trouble. It’s the little things you know?