"Reese’s Apartment"
Original Air Date 3/21/04
Chapter 515

The best part of my day is the 16 minutes between when school ends and when
I get home. On my way out, the gym teacher came up to me and said that our
best athlete in the school, Ira, has to write an essay to get into all the
schools that are recruiting him. I’d say he “asked” me
to help Ira, but that would be too generous.
When I got home, dad was flipping over what Reese did. It’s so bad
that the censors won’t even let me write it in my journal. What censors
you say? Oh, they’re there. They are there.
Anyway, Mom and Dad totally went off on him. And Reese one upped it: he
told them to “shut up.” Oh, sitting court side for these events
is arguably the greatest perk of being a member of this family.
So Reese got kicked out. And you know what he did? He got an apartment!
Reese got an apartment! Except Francis came back to talk sense into Reese,
to stand up for himself, and not back down. Reese didn’t care though,
he was a pig in…well you know the expression. Remember, “they’re
watching us…”
Back to my essay tutoring. It turns out that Ira is totally stupid. Not
just average, Reese type stupidity. But really stupid. So it’s a challenge.
But I think I can get something out of him.
But like usual, I ended doing most of it for him. Although I was just trying
to outline it for him, Ira took it as is and it’s going to look like
plagiarism. So now I have a moral dilemma. I can crush this kid’s
college career or I can turn a blind eye.
I ended up doing the right thing. I ripped up the essay and told Ira he
could do it on his own. He said he’d try. But what he wrote was quite
possibly the worst piece of…I’ve ever read.
A month went by and turned out that Ira didn’t need my help. He forgot
to mail in the essay but got into Stanford anyway. Reese on the other hand
was piling up thousands of dollars in credit card debt. When Mom and Dad
found out, they dragged him home by his ear. They’re still coming
up with creative ways to punish him.
I guess that means life is back to normal.