"Ida’s Boyfriend" Original Air Date 2/08/04
Chapter 512

Mom thought I was hiding something. I yelled at her for suspecting me, but I was actually hiding something. I got a tongue RING! I’m not really sure why I did it, but for some reason the rebel in me had to come out.

Grandma came to visit and told us she’s getting married in a day. Then she accused me of being gay. God I hate her! Apparently, he’s some Chinese guy named Mr. Lee. The best part of the story – she’ll be living in China. The other side of the world. Away from us forever. I, I, I don’t even know what to say, I’m so elated I can’t even move.

Mr. Lee seems really nice, but I couldn’t think about it because my tongue was killing me. Who knew that sticking metal spikes through your tongue could possibly hurt? Is yellow goo a bad thing?

So my tongue got bigger than my mouth. I sound like the godfather mixed with a professional athlete who left school too soon. At the wedding I decided that I needed to spy on Grandma because there’s no way Mr. Lee likes her. I found loads of drugs in her purse! She’s been drugging him to take advantage of him. What’s wrong with this family?!

Mom threatened to call the police on her if she didn’t break it off. So what happened instead? Grandma drugged all of us! The wedding went forward and in my drugged state I sort of told mom about my tongue ring. Oh, man, worrying about what she was going to do, totally killed my buzz.

Good thing Mr. Lee came out of it before the ceremony was finished. Man would his life had been miserable. So instead, Grandma will stay in this country and continue to make our lives miserable. That’s about par for the course.