"Vegas" Original Air Date 11/02/03
Chapter 501

So Mom and Dad decided to take the whole family to Vegas. It’s weird because Dad totally has a gambling problem, who knows what Reese will end up doing: good bets are on stealing old people’s slot machine coins or stealing little kids’ arcade machine coins.

Also, Dad had some dream where he thought it was prophetic that he was winning at the slots. Yeah, we know where this goes.

So in other news, I won this state science award but I didn’t want to tell Mom and Dad because they embarrass me. That didn’t exactly go over very well with them and they decided to give me the cold shoulder for the rest of the trip.

So to make up for not telling them, I got Mom two tickets to the Boone Vincent concert. Apparently she is a huge fan of this awful Vegas lounge act or something. Well, it did the trick. I was off the hook. If only all problems could go away with Boone Vincent tickets. I will rescind this remark later btw…

Now, I know I’m a bit of an elitist snob, but this concert, I don’t even know if I have the perspicacity to describe the events. Women throwing underwear, cheesy dancing girls, terrible singing, etc. I wasn’t sure if it was a parody of a spoof or if he was actually singing literally. Needless to say, I was appalled by my first concert going experience.

So Mom was asked to come back stage when Boone noticed her dancing. I was left outside with the baby while she went into his dressing room for what seemed like hours! God knows what they were doing in there. I don’t want to think about it. Stop thinking about! I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!

So the trip was basically a total loss. And now I have the indelible image of Mom and Boone Vincent doing god knows what in my head for the rest of my life. If I didn’t need therapy before, now would be a good time to start.