"Boys at Ranch" Original Air Date 01/12/03
Chapter 412

So we’re actually doing something fun for once. A weekend at Francis’ ranch – just for the guys. That’s right, a weekend without Mom! I never thought it was possible, but here it is!

When we got to the ranch we were treated like royalty. I couldn’t believe it; Francis is like a god at this place! And we got everything for free. This was quickly becoming the best weekend in recent memory.

Francis was so cool. He cooks, rides horses, and camps. It’s like the Wild West and he’s the sheriff. Actually, that’s the problem. His “sheriff” role took on a familiar tone: that tone being Mom-like. I thought we went on vacation to get away from her!

None of us could believe how anal he’d become. “Don’t touch that, don’t break that, go to your room!?” Who the hell did he think he was? So Reese, Dewey and I decided to trick them into letting us ride ATV’s. Well, we crashed them, but it was so worth it. They really mean all-terrain with those puppies.

But then Francis yelled at us again! Where was our brother? He’s been possessed by this super responsible, annoying, male version of Mom. We had to do something to get him back and Reese and I had just the thing to do it: fireworks.

We bought the biggest, baddest, meanest, scariest, brightest and craziest fireworks Dad’s credit card could afford. Then we baited Francis with an unlit fuse. Needless to say, he took the bait, lit em up and created one of the greatest fireworks displays in amateur history.

Oh, and the doctor said that our vision and hearing should return to normal within the next few weeks…