"Academic Octathalon" Original Air Date 04/13/03
Chapter 411

Herkabe entered the Krelboyne’s in the Academic Octathalon. Basically it’s a smart kids competition where different schools compete against each other to determine who’s the smartest. It totally sucks.

Mom was making me go though. There was nothing I could do. Herkabe is a total fascist and making us study at every waking moment. It’s insane! But the Krelboyne’s don’t have any self-esteem so they do everything he says.

When we got to the competition, Herkabe took me aside and told me to be a team player. I agreed, but what he meant was, help the rest of the guys cheat. Me cheat? I may do lots of bad things in my life, but one thing I refuse to do is cheat to make myself look smarter than other kids in a ridiculous competition.

So I told the other kids what Herkabe was up to, but they were in on it! So I decided to leave. I called Mom and made her drive out to get me. But at the last moment, I realized one of the other teams tried to play me and get some inside info about our team. No one plays me!

I got out of Mom’s car, told her to punish me at home, and got to work. If you’re gonna cheat, you’ve got to do it right. Actually, I’m kind of proud of this one. I stole the competition questions and passed them out to all the teams. So when the competition started, everyone knew every answer before it was even asked. Very transparent.

The judges convened with all the teachers and awarded everyone first place in individual categories. Cheating gets you no where, but it’s definitely fun to watch when everyone is involved. I like to think of myself as a Greek God looking down on the humans as social Darwinism does it’s worst.