"Stupid Girl" Original Air Date 11/24/02
Chapter 404

How is it possible to have such a great brain and never be happy? You’d imagine I’d be able to think of a way to get myself out of this. But really, I’ve come up with nothing. The worst part, it’s affecting my social life in high school. When I talk to girls, all I ever do is sound condescending or patronizing, and they hate that.

So, there’s this girl Allison. She’s my locker neighbor, but she wasn’t reacting to anything I said. I tried funny…nothing. I tried witty…nothing. I tried clever…nothing! What’s wrong with me?

Now of all the places to turn, Reese would ordinarily be the last. But then it hit me, if I could just stop being the genius jerk that I am and tone it down a notch, I might have a chance. Reese taught me how to be stupid. It was great! I could literally turn off my brain, and suddenly I was engaging Allison on a whole new level. Would you believe she actually asked me out?!

Not thinking so much is really cool. No more stress or pressure. I was relaxed and…happy? Is that what that was?

Well, there is a downside to all this. I became a total moron. Stevie wouldn’t even talk to me. Allison and I went to the school dance together and everything was great. So when she suggested we go sleep out on the football field and bring beer, who was I to refuse? That was until Mom showed up. Normally, I would’ve had a great way to cover it up. Made up some excuse on the spot no problem. But remember, I was a moron.

After the initial screaming cleared a bit, I realized that being the smartest isn’t working and being the dumbest isn’t working either. What I need is a little balance. And though Allison dumped me and is now dating Reese, but I know one day I’ll be able to invent a device that I’ll attach around her neck that'll instantly bring her IQ closer to mine. Oh, that sweet, sweet day.