"Hal's Birthday " Original Air Date 3/03/02
Chapter 316

Why is it that whenever it's someone else's birthday, you always have something better to do and somewhere better to be? Sure, it's Dad's birthday, but we're talking about front row tickets to the Demolition Derby. Of course Mom wasn't going to let us go, she never lets us do anything. She made this excuse that she planned some big surprise for Dad on his birthday. It didn't take long to find out what it was though, Francis was coming home.

In a normal family, having everyone together would be a good thing. Bring out old pictures, reminisce about times past, you know, normal stuff? We unfortunately have a track record that negates any possibility of normalcy, and as you'll very soon find out, the pattern continues.

Dad's birthday rolls around and Francis is late, of course. He finally shows and everyone is thrilled. Hugs, kisses, good normal things, right? Unfortunately there was one little problem: Francis brought his wife. HIS WIFE! Wait, does that mean she's my sister-in-law?

Mom flips out. Dad flips out. And guess who gets yelled at…Us! Well that was it. We weren't going to take getting yelled at any longer. So Reese stole Dad's credit card and he, Dewey and I ran off to an expensive hotel. Let me just say, if you haven't indulged in an all-expense paid trip on your unknowing parents in the finest hotel in the city - you simply haven't lived. We got lobster, steak, desserts, Jacuzzi, tailored suits, pedicures (I know, but what can I say). It was totally sweet! It didn't take long to get caught of course, but it was so worth it.

I guess in the end, Dad's birthday wasn't so bad. We finally confronted Mom about the yelling, and she developed a new creepy system of punishing us. Dad got a new back shaver. We ate really well. So all in all I'd say we learned a lot. Mostly that celebrating someone else's birthday doesn't necessarily mean that only they get presents! And really, isn't that all that matters?