"Company Picnic" Original Air Date 2/03/02
Chapter 313/314

Every year, we go to Dad's company picnic. It's one of these big events with stupid field games and god-knows what else. This year though, I had incentive. It's name was Laurie Milberg. Uh, her name is Laurie Milberg. You get the point. Anyway, I hadn't seen her since the third grade and I've grown at least four inches since then! Even Reese said he'd go to bat for me and not hit on her. He's such a nice brother…what?

So, we get to the picnic and I find Laurie. Totally cute, obviously. And she asked me to be in the three-legged scavenger hunt with her, obviously. I was totally in. I mean, she was definitely flirting with me and things were going great. Just as I thought she'd tell me she liked me, I beat her to it and professed my affection. I've really got to stop doing that because she was talking about Gary Spindler. Gary Spindler?! You've got to be kidding.

Now I'm stuck in this stupid three-legged hunt for three hours and I've totally cast a pall on the whole day. Now I know how Sisyphus felt. But I wasn't going to drop this one. I really wanted to know why. Why would a girl like Laurie not like a cute, funny, smart guy like me. I had to know. So I pressed and pressed. That obviously backfired. She went off, telling me everything that was wrong with me. Ouch! I actually cried (note to self: take this out when they publish my memoirs). So while I was wiping my tears away, I used some leaves on the ground. And, to go along with the general theme of the picnic - it was poison ivy. Sweet. That was sarcasm. I can't wait for next year. That was sarcasm too.