"Christmas" Original Air Date 12/16/01
Chapter 306

Every year during Christmas Mom freaks out and comes down on us pretty hard for no good reason. I mean it's not as if burning down the tree and beating Dad while dressed up as Santa Claus should constitute years of abusive, right? Well, maybe. But this year was especially bad. We realized how cool it was to throw glass ornaments at each other and watch them smash against the walls. Mom didn't think it was so cool though; she cancelled Christmas!

Okay, she didn't actually cancel it, just held it hostage I guess. She threatened to cancel it if we didn't behave perfectly until Christmas morning. It actually worked though. Sure it was totally creepy around the house, but we were actually able to behave and not fight with each other.

But on the night before Christmas I came to a startling realization. Seeing as how well the threat of canceling Christmas actually worked, Mom could theoretically hold all major holidays, birthdays, whatever, hostage. And there was no way we'd let her get away with it. We had to prove to her that we couldn't be controlled by her insane threats! We broke into the garage where Mom locked up all the Christmas presents and started tearing everything open. We even set out to damage stuff just enough so she couldn't take anything back. The problem was that Mom actually got us everything we wanted this year. She really went out of her way. WE ruined Christmas!

We quickly tried to put everything back. Rewrapping everything. But Mom and Dad walked in on us right in the middle of it. We stared at her like deer caught in headlights, the silence was unbearable. Just when we thought our lives would officially end, Mom suggested we bring everything into the house and celebrate Christmas right there and then. Phew, close call. But it actually turned out to be the best Christmas I think we've ever had.