Hank's Cowboy Movie
Episode KH318
Original Air Date: 4/6/99

Hank sets out to direct a videotape that will convince the Dallas Cowboys to relocate their training camp to Arlen.

Hank and Bobby set out on a journey to Wichita Falls to view the Dallas Cowboys’ training camp. As they watch the team practice from the stands, the pair grade the players’ potential for the season. After the team leaves the field, Bobby notices that a football was left behind. He and his father walk out onto field, where Hank tosses his son the ball. The pigskin smacks Bobby in the shoulder and drops to the ground. Bobby drops to one knee, and he and his father pretend that the Cowboys have won the Super Bowl. Moments later, a security guard happens by. After insulting the good name of Arlen, the guard tells Hank and Bobby to leave the premises. Later, the pair drop by a Wichita Falls propane store. Hank is horrified when one of the workers belittles Arlen and boasts of his love for the Sooners. Hank and Bobby return to their motel room, where they notice a videotape on a nightstand, courtesy of the Wichita Falls Chamber of Commerce. Bobby brings the tape with him on the trip home. By the time he and Hank reaches Arlen, Bobby’s attitude toward the city in which he lives has changed. Hank takes note of this and decides something must be done to save the town. He assembles a group of his friends and suggests creation of a videotape (like the one from the Wichita Falls Chamber of Commerce) that will bring the Dallas Cowboys training camp to Arlen. Nancy volunteers to host the tape; Peggy is chosen to write the script; and Hank appoints himself as director.

At first, the group goes about the project with great enthusiasm. But the process of producing the tape creates friction amongst the participants: Peggy mentions to Nancy that she drifted away from the script when she changed the word "Arlenians" to "Arlenites"; Hank makes matters even worse when he mentions Nancy’s crows’ feet. Nancy storms off to her trailer. John Redcorn arrives on location and, sizing up the situation, announces that he will need an hour alone with Nancy. Peggy tries her hand at hosting the tape, but her performance does not meet Hank’s approval. Moments later, Nancy emerges from the trailer looking refreshed. The script calls for Nancy to feed a snake a live mouse. Nancy refuses to do so and recoils in horror when Peggy allows a mouse to run up her arm. This triggers a chain reaction that eventually allows a caged monkey to rip at Nancy’s hair. Repulsed, Nancy announces her resignation. Soon after, the rest of the crew drops out as well.

Hank decides that he can direct and star in the video all by himself. His efforts, however, leave something to be desired. He turns to a television editor for help, but even he cannot work miracles. Hank walks out of the editing bay, dejected. Peggy notices her husband’s mood and decides to take action. She borrows home movies from her friends, and has them edited together into what she hopes will be a convincing sales tape. Friends and family gather at the Hill home to view the finished product, which features moments from their pasts. When the tape ends, the audience claps and cheers. Everyone is certain that the Cowboys will relocate to Arlen once they see the tape. But a few days later, Hank receives a letter from the Cowboys, along with a four-inch football. It states that the team has no plans of relocating in the near future. Sympathetic, Bobby convinces his father to go out for a pass. While performing a play-by-play, Bobby throws the ball. The pass is completed--and Bobby announces that the Cowboys have won the Super Bowl.