Hank's Dirty Laundry
Episode KH216
Original Air Date: 3/1/98

Hank vehemently protests when a video store accuses him of not returning an adult film.

Hank reacts with horror when he notices Peggy hanging his underwear on a clothesline for all the world to see. Peggy explains she was forced to do so because the dryer has broken down. Hank agrees the time has come to replace the old unit. He and his family travel to the Mega Lo Mart, where Hank lectures a salesman on the benefits of purchasing a propane-fueled dryer. Peggy and Hank eventually settle on a Spinmore. When it comes time to make the purchase, Peggy convinces her husband it is in their best interest to pay for the dryer by applying for the store's credit card. But the salesman informs the Hills that their application has been denied due to bad credit. Hank discovers that the source of his problem is Arlen Video, which claims Hank owes forty dollars for a tape that was never returned. At the store, a clerk explains that computer records indicate the film in question is Cuffs & Collars. Hank emphatically denies ever renting the tape and is horrified to discover it is an adult title. Meanwhile, Bobby mistakes his parents preoccupation with the matter as preparations for his upcoming birthday.

Peggy pressures her husband to pay the forty dollars so they can buy the dryer. But Hank refuses, again insisting he never rented the tape. His problems increase when his name ends up on a pornography mailing list and adult paraphernalia begins arriving in quantity. An outraged Hank gathers the materials and makes an attempt to return them to the post office. But officials insist the source of the problem is the company from whom Hank first purchased pornography. Hank travels to the municipal garbage dump where he buries the adult materials in the trash. A police officer notices a petroleum based byproduct amongst the materials and, noting it is being disposed of illegally, demands to see Hank's license. Hank runs off. At his wits' end, Hank creates a petition that urges citizens to boycott Arlen Video...only drawing further attention to his most embarrassing predicament.

Hank decides to put "the system" on trial by taking the video store to court. A short time later, Hank receives a delivery of pornographic tapes. An attached note, signed anonymously, states that, "the answer is in the tapes." Hank views the tapes, confident the answer does indeed lie within. Later, in small claims court, Hank tells a judge he did not rent the tape. To prove his case, Hank displays Polaroid photos of scenes from the movies. He points out that an adult film star, Fernanda Valley, made a triumphant return to her profession on the occasion of her eighteenth birthday. Valley turned eighteen two weeks after Hank supposedly rented Cuffs & Collars. The judge agrees and rules in Hank's favor. Later, Bobby is overjoyed when he sees the dryer being delivered, convinced it is his birthday present.