Hank's Unmentionable Problem
Episode KH107
Original Air Date: 2/23/97

Hank is greatly embarrassed when word of his irregularity spreads throughout the community.

Peggy notices her husband exit the bathroom without flushing the toilet. Hank assures her it was unnecessary since "nothing happened." Concerned, Peggy fixes Hank a glass of Megamucil, an all-natural laxative. Being a manly Texan, he refuses to heed her advice and her bran muffins opting for sausages instead. Peggy tells Nancy about her husband's constipation. Soon after, word spreads throughout the town, and well-wishers stop by the house with tips on how to become regular once again, causing Hank great embarrassment. As time passes, Peggy grows more and more concerned. She tries sneaking melted chocolate laxative onto Hank's ice cream, but the scheme fails. Peggy experiences a nightmare in which Hank dies from his irregularity. Hysterical, Peggy rushes to her husband and begs him not to die. Moved, Hank promises to see a doctor.

With great embarrassment, Hank keeps his promise. Assisted by Tasha, a beautiful medical student, Dr. Morley inserts a sigmoidoscope, a wandlike camera device, into Hank's backside for a view of his colon. When the procedure proves inconclusive, Dr. Morley tells Hank that his "low fat, high fiber diet" isn't effective. Peggy insists the diet simply needs more time to work. To be on the safe side, Morley books an operating room. He tells Hank that, unless his condition improves, his colon will have to be removed by the end of the week.

When Peggy catches her husband frying a cheeseburger, she drives him to a local health food store. But Hank shows little enthusiasm for tofu dogs. Growing increasingly desperate, Hank tries everything from bacon grease to acupuncture needles but they, too, fail. While chatting with Nancy, Peggy realizes her husband's new diet and lifestyle is making him miserable. A short time later, Hank tells his wife that he'd rather "die with a burger in my colon" than spend the rest of his life eating tofu. Surprisingly, Peggy agrees and tells Hank how much she loves him. Tears in his eyes, Hank tells his wife how lucky he is to have her in his life. Suddenly, a strange look passes over Hank's face. He races to the bathroom, and after a simple flush echoes through the hallways, Hank flings open the door, standing heroically. Peggy and Bobby rush to his side.