Aired: 11/27/05

Steve has Stan sign his report card, and Francine notices that the boy is failing English. Steve claims that his teacher hates him. But a visit with the teacher reveals that Steve is failing because he had his Japanese friend Yoshi write a paper for him. Steve claims that creative writing is hard, so Stan takes him upstairs to introduce him to Patriot Pigeon, the 3,012 volume series that Stan has written.

It doesn't get the creative juices flowing, so Stan glues Steve's hand to the desk, forcing him to write. Seeing Roger on a drunken bender after Klaus told him he's a nobody, not a somebody like the celebrities he loves so much, Steve finally has an idea. At home later, Stan gets a letter from P&Q Publishing. He thinks they want to publish Patriot Pigeon, but in fact, they want to publish Roger the Alien, the story Steve wrote for his class.

Steve has a book signing, which makes Stan's incredibly jealous. But when Francine points out that people will recognize that Steve came from Stan, Stan wants to up the promotion. The publisher says if Steve has the #1 children's book, he can get on the television show Cap'n Monty's Book Cavalcade. But Steve needs a hook for that.

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